PRESIDENT OBAMA


Obama Board Game Loss Casts Doubt On Presidency

The White House admits Obama played his daughter in checkers and lost, which pundits say doesn't bode well for his ability to compete on the world stage.

HOLIDAYS

A recent study found that due to the obesity epidemic, many children playing "ding dong ditch" are getting caught before they even get out of the front yard.

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Asked who the Norwegian Nobel Committee might be exhibiting their racial prejudice against, Carter said he "hadn't worked that part out yet."

SURVEYS & POLLS

The survey of 1,000 people mostly from the midwest found this to be the top reason why parents are against Obama's planned speech to school children.

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The outburst took place after his town hall healthcare meeting in New Hampshire, where he also reportedly flipped everyone the bird as his limo pulled away.

ASIA-PACIFIC

Despite the gesture, White House officials are downplaying expectations that the upcoming bong summit will produce any major achievements in U.S.-China relations.

WHITE HOUSE

Obama apparently agreed to bring the women back with him and try to find them suitable husbands, part of a plan to help patch relations with Russia.

WHITE HOUSE

The FBI is authenticating a video that surfaced this morning that reportedly shows around 50 to 75 people partying in many rooms of the White House.

MAGAZINES

Editors said each issue will display Obama on the front, and a section devoted to him called "ObaMachinations" that will feature his wit and wisdom.

Caught On Film
A member of the Boston mafia hurries to bury a body in an overcrowded mob burial ground before daylight strikes.

The best photos from July.

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