INTERNATIONAL


Obama Vows Xmas Gift Sanctions If Iran Keeps Nukes

If Obama's holiday sanctions come to fruition, Ahmadinejad has vowed to block U.N. inspectors from trick-or-treating within Iranian borders this Halloween.

CAP NEWS BULLETIN

The women were excited to see Clinton again, sharing tales of how they used to illegally cross his border and commit grave acts against his nation.

NEW YORK

Eyewitnesses tell CAP News that Mousavi spent yesterday afternoon at Trump Place looking at a modest one-bedroom apartment facing the Hudson River.

CAP NEWS SPECIAL

The enduring tale of a deaf, dumb and blind boy with exceptional gaming skills will revolve around a British lad and the '80s arcade classic Donkey Kong.

INT'L POLITICS

Ahmadinejad's profile page shows he had created a survey of his Top 5 Islamic Republic Leaders, each of which was simply a different picture of himself.

INT'L POLITICS

Spanish special prosecutor Baltasar Garzon is leading the investigation into Holder's decision to drop all charges against former Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens.

ECONOMY

Scammers worry that U.S. government efforts to halt the recession won't be sufficient to restore people's desire to be frivolous with their money.

ASIA-PACIFIC

Political pundits credit Hillary Clinton's long battle with frigidity for her ability to remain stalwart in the face of such overt sexual aggression.

RELIGION

Facebook officials say anyone befriending the Pope must install the Kiss My Ring application, but joining his Circle Of Bishops group is not mandatory.

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