Tuesday | March 19, 2024
Fla. Residents Brace For Fifth Straight Day Of Sun
Public officials are asking beachgoers to heed warning signs like this for their own safety.

MIAMI (CAP) - Area meteorologists are warning sun-weary residents to prepare for yet another day of sunshine and 80-degree temperatures in a winter that has already seen record-breaking good weather.

"We're looking at a long-duration solar event," National Weather Service meteorologist David Crimmins reported. "Residents need to take precautions and prepare themselves for a stretch of good weather the likes of which we have not seen in these parts for weeks."

Forecasters are predicting that heightened solar glare will make for hazardous road conditions during the morning commute. Fla. Gov. Rick Scott issued a statement late last night, reminding state workers that they were expected to report to work despite the weather conditions.

"State offices and public schools will remain open," Scott said in the statement. "However, we urge commuters to use extreme caution should travel conditions deteriorate. As always, public safety is our top priority."

Long lines formed at local supermarkets as residents rushed to stock up on essentials before the predicted fifth day of sunshine hit. Many stores reported depleted supplies of hamburgers, hot dogs, and ice cream sandwiches. Widespread shortages of sunscreen and sunglasses were also becoming a problem, particularly in coastal areas where concerns have been mounting over the impact of yet another sunny day on the area's already busy beaches.

"Parking's been a nightmare," said one sunburned beach parking lot attendant. "People are fighting over spots and once they find one, they don't want to give it up. We've got guys leaving beach chairs in the spots to save them for when they come back the next day. Once you get a spot, you don't let it go."

Other beachgoers are equally frustrated, as four straight days of blue skies have begun to take a toll, both physically and mentally. Kelly, who called in sick to work and therefore asked that CAP News not use her last name, shared her frustrations with the region's latest stretch of nice weather from her beach towel.

"The sun is so bright; I can't even see the screen on my iPhone," Kelly noted. "Seriously, how am I supposed to update my Facebook status like this? I've got a rash from sand in my bathing suit, my arms are sore from lugging the cooler through the parking lot, I've got funny looking tan lines from my flip-flops, and I'm sick of shaving my legs every day.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Kelly added before breaking down and sobbing.

Seven year old Jimmy Peterson shared a similar sentiment, complaining that his mom keeps making him go outside to play.

"I'm tired of swimming and riding my bike," Jimmy said. "I just want to watch Spongebob. I'm ready for the sun to go away."

Long-range forecast models indicate Floridians may be in a continued pattern of warm temperatures and sunshine until at least the end of February.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2024 BY CAP NEWS
The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» New education reform bill replaces D's and F's with frownie-face stickers to soften the blow and help kids "feel successful even in their failures" «» Congressional oversight committee says it has "new information" and is reopening Iran-Contra investigation, will have Oliver North testify as soon as Hillary Clinton is done «» Judge Judy to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Supreme Court as part of effort to bring more wit and sarcasm to proceedings and appeal to 18-49 demographic «» President Obama invites kindergarten student to White House whose finger and thumb were mistaken for a gun at recess, but Secret Service has him wear a mitten on the hand "just in case" «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «» New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72% «»
The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» New education reform bill replaces D's and F's with frownie-face stickers to soften the blow and help kids "feel successful even in their failures" «» Congressional oversight committee says it has "new information" and is reopening Iran-Contra investigation, will have Oliver North testify as soon as Hillary Clinton is done «» Judge Judy to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Supreme Court as part of effort to bring more wit and sarcasm to proceedings and appeal to 18-49 demographic «» President Obama invites kindergarten student to White House whose finger and thumb were mistaken for a gun at recess, but Secret Service has him wear a mitten on the hand "just in case" «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «» New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72% «»