Tuesday | March 19, 2024
Oklahoma Okays New Birther License Plates

OKLAHOMA CITY (CAP) - A source at the Oklahoma governor's office has confirmed to CAP News that the state will be the first in the union to officially sanction the so-called "Birther" belief that President Obama was born in Kenya by issuing a special commemorative license plate.

"There has been a lot of call for something like this, so we're only giving in to what our most vocal Oklahomans seem to want," said an aide to Gov. Brad Henry. "If President Obama wishes to clear any of this up by producing the long version of his birth certificate, we'd be happy to add a note mentioning that on the back of the plate."

While the plates will be ready for use by the middle of next month at the earliest, they will not be available for everyone. Birthers will have to prove themselves by first demonstrating their knowledge of relevant information, such as biblical facts, Rush Limbaugh trivia and generalized awareness of historical and current right-wing talking points.

"If you think the Earth is a flat 6000 years old and that Saddam Hussein was wiping his hairy hiner with a US dollar bill while planning 9/11 - pardon my French - you get a plate," the governor's aide told CAP News.

The news that Oklahoma was going to add a layer of credibility to President Obama's birth certificate difficulties was met with angry surprise by White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

"What the hell is it going to take: Made In The USA tattooed into the man's ass?" Emanuel asked. "No seriously. Would that do it, do you think?"

The plate itself does not seem to be enough for some Birthers, however, many of whom are demanding that it come with additional perks, such as special parking privileges. These demands have oddly attracted even some Democratic support.

"So they want the same privileges as people with handicapped plates?" asked Oklahoma Democratic Party Chair Todd Goodman. "Yeah, I could see getting behind that."

GOP party luminary Sarah Palin also offered praise for the Oklahoman plate move, stating on her FaceBook page:

"P. Obama needs to come clean about being born so far away in Kenya and not in America. And it is far away. I mean gosh, I can't even see that place from my house!"

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

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