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NEW YORK (CAP) - In a surprise move, a group representing insurance agencies and the insurance industry has announced that it will be launching an effort later this month to legalize marijuana. The Directorate of Insurance Executives says that the time has come for a more measured federal approach to marijuana regulations.
"Our jails are filled with young men and women whose only crime has been the wrapping up and smoking of what for millennia was a simple ditch weed," says Emmanuel Smith, head of the New York-based group. "Our studies have shown that short and intermediate term use of marijuana is not harmful, and our drug laws should reflect that fact."
The advocacy group Consumer Watchdog applauded the move, but also heaped a fair amount of scorn on the Directorate for what they say is a blatant move aimed to save their industry money in the short term.
"The study they are basing their decision on went a bit further than what they're admitting," said a spokesman for Consumer Watchdog. "Yes, marijuana did not prove harmful, but that's only because the study participants did nothing, absolutely nothing. They didn't move from their couches.
"Of course the insurance industry totally loves them," added the spokesman. "No car accidents, no work-related injuries, no broken legs from snowboarding. They have no lives. They never collect benefits. What's not to love?"
Members of the insurance industry admit, off the record, that they stand to see an additional $30-35 billion a year in profits if they can compel everyone in the country to smoke one pound of cannabis a week.
"Well, we'd push for heroin legalization if we thought that would fly," one insurance agent told CAP News. "Those fuckers totally don't move."
Many business leaders are hailing the progressive stance of the insurance industry, and executives from companies such as Frito-Lay, Little Debbie Snacks and the White Castle restaurant chain plan to be on hand for the press conference to launch what is being dubbed the Free The Weed initiative.
