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Probe Launched Into Firing Of Six Mall Easter Bunnies The probe alleges that none of the six Easter Bunnies fired were actually let go for performance reasons.
Probe Launched Into Firing Of Six Mall Easter Bunnies

WASHINGTON (CAP) - A Senate investigation into the firings of eight U.S. attorneys has reportedly uncovered evidence that the Attorney General's office may also have been involved in the questionable firings of six mall Easter Bunnies. The news renewed calls for the resignation of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

"My credibility as a parent is significantly strained at this point," said Sen. Charles E. Schumer, who is leading the Senate investigation. "What are we supposed to tell our sons and daughters, that Easter is all about religion?"

A statement released by the Justice Department denied any connection between the dismissals and right-wing religious groups lobbying to remove the Easter Bunny as the secular symbol of that holiday. The statement also offered a brief apology by Gonzales, but not so much for the firings themselves as his handling of them.

"The attorney general wants to reiterate how important the Easter Bunny is to him as well as the communities he serves," the statement said. "He fully understands the significance of the things the Easter Bunny brings to make your Easter both bright and gay."

The White House was quick to distance the Bush administration from any involvement in the Easter Bunny firings, but the words rang hollow with Senate investigators who recalled President Bush leaking information about the secret location of eggs just a year ago.

"At no time did any White House officials, including the president, direct the Department of Justice to take specific action against any individual Easter Bunny," said White House spokeswoman Dana Perino. "The president finds the Easter Bunny to be both cute and cuddly, and in fact enjoys getting his picture taken with him every year."

Initial inquiries into the firings of a dozen of Santa's helpers last December have thus far turned up no connection to the Attorney General's office.

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