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Denver-Area Hookers: Yes We Did!
Vice President Cheney prepares to self-jump a limo in 2006.WASHINGTON (CAP) - When Vice President Cheney's plane developed mechanical problems en-route to Singapore last weekend, the White House was quick to categorize it as minor and "not a safety issue."
By Monday morning, new information had become available that portrayed the incident in a much more serious light, and an unlikely hero has emerged as the apparent savior of Air Force II.
"Faulty intelligence led us to believe that the situation was not life and death, but after talking to the Air Force II pilots and staff, it's pretty clear that there is only one reason that that plane made it to Singapore: Dick Cheney," Tony Snow told reporters at Monday's daily White House press conference.
While the White House does not go out of its way to publicize the fact, it's been common knowledge among the Washington press corps that Vice President Cheney has for years been putting his Haliburton-made industrial strength pacemaker to good use, mostly to top off batteries in command bunkers and other military locations scattered around the world.
"Sequestered in a secret location" has long been known to mean "sitting in a dark bunker with jumper cables attached to your man-boobs."
Still, this is the first time that Vice President Cheney's unique ability has actually been credited with saving lives, discounting the troop lives saved via information he helped extract during clandestine visits to Abu Ghraib prison early in the war. While a Cheney spokesman admitted that the Vice President was pleased that his actions helped to save the Air Force II crew and passengers, he has no immediate plans to use the incident to leap frog into a new career.
"Superhero? Heavens no," the spokesman said. "While The Electric Dick certainly has a ring to it, Mr. Cheney is far too humble an individual to try and take on such a role."
The Vice President is currently on a radar station recharging tour of Asia sequestered in a secret location.
