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Condoleezza Rice To Adopt Army Platoon Condi takes another stab at getting the diaper down.
Condoleezza Rice To Adopt Army Platoon

WASHINGTON (CAP) - When Barbara Boxer tossed down the "you ain't got a dog in this hunt" gauntlet to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently, the White House was uncharacteristically quick to respond.

"Senator Boxer's comments about Ms. Rice's childlessness was a slight to the fairer sex everywhere," said State Department spokesman Hugh Jorgan. "As a matter of fact, the Secretary is in the process of adopting a whole platoon. I wonder if Senator Boxer sees that as a large enough personal stake."

To prepare for the adoption, Rice has been taking a crash course on parenting during her travels in the Middle East. The effort, critics say, has not been effortless.

"They started her out with eggs, you know, like they do in high school parenting classes?" said Adrianne Moore, president of the Swollen Nipple Brigade (SNB), an advocacy group that champions pregnant and new mother issues. The SNB is probably best known for its unsuccessful attempt a few years ago to get lactating elevated to Olympic sport status.

"She'd only do it with white eggs, not brown. Then she kept breaking 'Georgie Jr.' and would get that little signature scowl on her face," Moore said. "Last I heard they had abandoned the egg and moved up to a doll. She seems to be doing pretty well with fake nurturing and works the nipple like a pro, but she's having a real hard time with changing."

Rice will get to practice on a Bush twin (actual twin to be announced) next week to experience the terrible teens and is then expected to file paperwork to adopt an Army Reserves platoon before it ships out early next month.

"She just fell in love with the whole platoon, and the platoon feels the same way, obviously. They're all even going to get 'Condi' tats," Jorgan said. "It's not exactly getting your name on an oil tanker, but hey."

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