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Protestors gather outside Mayor Williams' office in Washington, DC.WASHINGTON (CAP) - A veteran of the Washington convenience store circuit, Alexi Ulyokov knows his business well enough to stock accordingly whenever a holiday rolls over the Capitol city. After years of running the Federal 40's & Filtered Butts Bodega on 15th Street, he has never had problems with running out of stock.
This year, however, was different.
"It started with the Ben Gay, then eczema cream, then Viagra prescriptions. I'm used to this, right? Washington crowd, older. But then I notice the Depends was flying off the shelves," Alexi said. "I try calling around, getting more, but everybody's seeing a run on the things. By Saturday, I'm out."
Alexi wasn't alone. Stores across the Washington DC area reported brisk sales of the popular adult undergarments. Stories of limos lined up around blocks at five and dimes and hustlers working senior citizen homes have not been uncommon. CAP News' own staff was approached near the Reflecting Pool while working on this story and offered Depends medium strength comfort fits with the Velcro sure-grip fasteners for $5 a piece.
And the cause of this shortage?
"Gerald Ford," said veteran consumer analyst Edward Marlowe. "Ford was 93 when he died. You're talking a lot of ancient, ancient contemporaries coming into the DC area to pay their respects. That's a lot of incontinence."
And a lot of headaches. Protests flared across the region over the weekend as residents demanded answers to the shortage. Washington Mayor Anthony Williams promised an investigation and called up a brigade of National Guard troops to help keep the peace and provide logistical support for undergarment procurement missions into neighboring Virginia. The White House, meanwhile, confirmed that President Bush has been apprised of the situation and is keeping an eye on it.
Officials expect the situation to ease considerably when Ford moves out of the area and suppliers begin moving additional shipments of Depends in. An emergency preparedness delegation from Grand Rapids arrived in the Capitol on Tuesday to evaluate the situation in an attempt to keep it from happening all over again when Ford's body reaches Michigan.
None of this, however, will help Alexi Ulyokov sleep better at night.
"I toss, I turn, I check CNN on the hour," Alexi said. "Did Bush Sr. die parachuting out of his bed? Did Clinton have a heart attack atop a whore? I don't know what I'm going to do if another one croaks so soon, you know?"
