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Denver-Area Hookers: Yes We Did!
HADERA, Israel (CAP) - To the cheers of Jewish people the world-over, the Israeli Body Accounting Bureau (IBAB) has announced that for the first time in its history, Jews are starting to whittle away at the "Holocaust Gap".
"Oy, we were in the hole pretty good after World War Two. 5.7 million? That's a lot of Jews," said David Ayoob, IBAB spokesman. "But we've slowly been chipping away at it, what with the 7-Day War, Massad secret assassinations, and now our war with Hezbollah.
"I'm pleased to announce that today, the gap stands at 5.6 million."
Israel has been keeping score and trying to rack up non-Jew deaths to close the gap since 1963. Their method for tracking the gap - the JewMeter - is a popular tourist attraction in Tel Aviv.
The day the JewMeter hit the 5.6 million mark was not without drama. A party planned at the Hadera Hilton became an all-day affair as first Hezbollah killed a Jew, then Israel killed a non-Jew. Balloons suspended from the Hadera Hilton ballroom ceiling dropped, only to be gathered and suspended again. The Manischewitz wine spent so much time cooling and warming that its bouquet was noticeably bruised when Israel finally leveled a Beirut neighborhood and put the number over the top for good.
The Bush administration displayed its usual caution in congratulating the Jewish people.
"We don't count the dead, but we do applaud the Israelis for their bookkeeping prowess," said Press Secretary Tony Snow. "We wish them luck in getting the gap down even further, and have only two more points to add. Iran: population 68 million. Syria: population 18 million."
Note: When contacted, Mel Gibson refused to comment for this story, although he did offer up an interesting joke concerning how many Jews one could fit in a Volkswagon.
