Sunday | February 5, 2012
  • John Tesh Shuts Down Own Social Media Site
    This was John Tesh's latest attempt to stay financially solvent as his popularity continues to wane since departing from "Entertainment Tonight" over a decade ago.
    [MORE]
  • Girl Scouts: The Silent Killers
    A new study shows that given the fat content of the cookies they sell every year, the Girl Scouts of America may actually be killing thousands of people annually.
    [MORE]
  • Report: Scientists Don\'t Know ShitReport: Scientists Don\'t Know Shit
    The report goes into detail about what they don't know and how long they haven't known it, with about 80 percent of all discoveries turning out to be total shit.
    [MORE]
  • Tim Tebow Converts To IslamTim Tebow Converts To Islam
    The Broncos quarterback said Jesus failed him when he needed Him most, so he has joined the world's second largest religion because "Islam is how winners worship."
    [MORE]
  • GOP Offers To Make Gingrich President Of Moon
    Gingrich has accepted the offer, saying once a manned moon colony has been built, he would love to try out his theories about the effects of weightlessness on sex.
    [MORE]
Romney To Gingrich: Enjoy It Now, You Fat FuckRomney To Gingrich: Enjoy It Now, You Fat Fuck

A clearly inebriated Romney let loose on his GOP rival during an impromptu press conference.

Schools Rail Against New \'Hexting\' FadSchools Rail Against New 'Hexting' Fad

Hexting involves sending curses via text message, which range from bad hair to big pimples.

Weapons-Grade Plutonium Price Hits All-Time HighWeapons-Grade Plutonium Price Hits All-Time High

A bump in the price of enriched Uranium, Isotopic-U3O8 35%, is partly to blame for the spike.

Newsmakers
Ghost Of George W Bush Still Haunts White House
George W Bush

Ghost Of George W Bush Still Haunts White House

Guards Beat Up Pols Trying To Kiss Beyonce\'s Baby
Beyonce

Guards Beat Up Pols Trying To Kiss Beyonce's Baby

NY Times Readers: Enough With The Cleft Lip Kid Ads
Jill Abramson

NY Times Readers: Enough With The Cleft Lip Kid Ads

Hot Topics
Google Steps Up Charity To Atone For All Their Bad Shit
Corporate Charity

Google Steps Up Charity To Atone For All Their Bad Shit

NFL Announces New 82-Game Regular Season
National Football League

NFL Announces New 82-Game Regular Season

Van Halen Reunion Leads To Run On Assless Chaps
Fashion Industry

Van Halen Reunion Leads To Run On Assless Chaps

Newsreel
Republicans: At This Point, We'll Vote For Anybody

The party is looking at everyone: David Spade, David Hasselhoff, David Schwimmer, Matt LeBlanc, Mel Blanc, Jack Black, Rebbecca Black, and yes, even Howard Stern.

Actor Reginald VelJohnson Still Wearing Cop Uniform

Family and friends tell CAP News the '80s television star can be seen roaming the streets of his neighborhood dressed in his blues, making sure crime stays away.

Papa Gino's Perfects Non-Absorbent Napkin

The restaurant's new environmentally-friendly napkin resists all liquids with which it comes in contact yet still retains the look and feel of a regular napkin.

Katy Perry, Russell Brand Vow To Remain Frivolous

Pundits say the fastest way for them to get over their break-up is to get back to doing what they do best - drawing attention to themselves by any means possible.

Archives
Hillary Promises Cars For Illegal Aliens
Partners
The World's Voice of Reason - Your Month Ahead
The Satirical Political Report - How Susan G. Komen Was Turned By The Gay Community

Schools vs. the mosquitoes

AT LARGE Fake News Wednesday: Netflix To Replace S...

All about how to make money online by casino online.
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