LAW

Rosie pauses for a quick photo op before using the bathroom.

Rosie Sues Over Women's Restroom Symbol

NEW YORK (CAP) - Talk show host Rosie O'Donnell has filed a lawsuit in federal district court claiming that the internationally recognized women's restroom symbol - which consists of a stick figure wearing a dress - is discriminatory. The lawsuit alleges that the symbol forces women to feel as if they must wear a dress to be a "real woman."

"Believe me, I am all woman. I'm even more woman than most women, and in fact I'm twice as much woman as four-fifths of the women out there," O'Donnell stated on her daily video blog. "But I do not wear dresses. Period. I wear cargo pants. I wear dungarees. I wear sweatpants. But I don't wear dresses, or any variations of dresses.

"No skirts, no minis, no skorts, no culottes, no dirndls, no hoops, no kilts, no panniers, no petticoats, no sarongs, no tutus - NO DRESSES," O'Donnell added. "I have a glandular problem, and I just don't feel comfortable in them."

O'Donnell further said that such a symbol insinuates that if a woman is not wearing a dress, she "might as well use the men's room." She said her lawsuit protects not only her rights but also those of "all the other non-dress-wearing women out there." The lawsuit has already gained public support from other famous "celesbians" like Melissa Etheridge and Ellen Degeneres.

"Seriously, does that little symbol mean I need to be wearing a dress to pee in there? If not I have to hold it?" Degeneres ranted on the set of her talk show. "Have you seen what can happen to someone who is forced to hold it too long? It's not pretty. Portia once held it for 18 hours, and I ended up having to take her to the emergency room."

However, O'Donnell is also facing some staunch opposition from industry leaders who feel that her objections are without merit. The International Bathroom Signage Association (IBSA), the group responsible for the oversight of bathroom signs and symbols around the world, has called the lawsuit "insane" and "the stupidest thing we've ever heard."

"It's a symbol. A symbol that means Ladies Bathroom. Everyone knows what it means. It in no way implies that all women need to wear dresses, or any clothing at all, for that matter," said IBSA Director Lanna Phillips.

"Rosie O'Donnell is a lunatic," Phillips added. "The bad news for her is that the IBSA is an extremely powerful organization with some of the best lawyers in the world. She is going to learn a hard lesson here - you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, and you don't mess with the IBSA."

O'Donnell has vowed to take her lawsuit all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court if necessary. "I don't know what they should change it to," she said, "but mark my words, they will end up changing it. I'd bet my last Twinkie on it."

She then ate the Twinkie.