WASHINGTON

WASHINGTON (CAP) -- President George W. Bush has cast his first-ever veto, saying that the stem cell research bill passed by the U.S. Senate "crosses a moral boundary." He was particularly concerned about how the plan called for scientists to club small children to death like baby seals.

"I mean, that's not right," said Bush, who announced his veto surrounded by small children who had been rescued after researchers snatched them off playgrounds with the intention of dissecting them and harvesting their organs.

"Take these children here," Bush said, gesturing at the photogenic cherubs. "Scientists would like to bludgeon them and skin them alive. Which is fine, but we shouldn't be giving them federal funding to do it."

"He does have a point," admitted Frank Lewison of the Society of Ruthless Scientists. "Given our druthers, most of us would be eating children with fava beans and a nice chianti." Then he made that weird "Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh" sound with his lips.

The veto did not sit well with stem cell research proponent Nancy Reagan, who, since the passing of her husband, former President Ronald Reagan, from Alzheimer's disease, has been cultivating her own stem cell lines in a pen in her basement. "Once they get to be around toddler age, I plan to mow them all down with a machete myself," she noted.

The veto also puts Bush at odds with Vice President Dick Cheney, who had previously advocated for shooting children in the face with buckshot. "But not for research - mostly just for fun," Cheney clarified.

Meanwhile, Bush - who waited almost six years before finding something to veto - said he would have done it sooner, but he couldn't figure out how to get the little "VETO" stamp to work. "Turns out you need a ... what's it called, Karl? Right, an ink pad."