OLYMPICS

IOC Strips Bruce Jenner Of 1976 Gold Medal

LAUSANNE, Switzerland (CAP) - The International Olympic Committee announced today that Bruce Jenner, perhaps the most celebrated track athlete in American history, will be stripped of his decathlon gold medal from the 1976 Summer Games for "disgusting and degrading behavior that has debased the ideals of the Olympic movement."

"The Wheaties boxes, no problem," said IOC Vice President Gunilla Lindberg. "We encourage the athletes to do endorsements. The acting thing - Silver Spoons, The Fall Guy, CHiPs - eh, not the most impressive stuff we've seen from an Olympian, but we weren't really bothered by that."

At issue, according to Lindberg, is the new reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which features a behind-the-scenes look at the socialite life of Jenner's step-daughter, Kim.

"We can't allow him to drag down the honor and integrity of the Olympic Games by participating in such putrid, so-called reality TV," said Lindberg. "No. It ends here. Bruce Jenner is no longer an Olympic champion."

Craig Masback, CEO of USA Track & Field, agreed with the IOC's decision, saying Jenner was "dead to us" and that in a sport where athletes disgrace themselves with performance-enhancing drugs, no one has done more to embarrass the organization than Bruce Jenner.

"When I see that show on TV, it makes me wish I'd never stepped foot on a track," said Masback. "It also makes me wish I'd never purchased a TV."

"He's basically using his trashy, slutty, whore of a step-daughter as a vehicle that he can ride to one more shot at fame," added sports entertainment expert Montel Farquar, author of the popular blog sportsguyssellout.com. "And I do mean ride. Hey, everybody else in Hollywood has had a ride, so why not him?"

In a written statement to Jenner, the IOC has demanded that he return his gold medal so it could be awarded to the new champion, original silver medalist Guido Kratschmer of Germany.

Jenner's agent said that this will be a problem, as he has not been able to locate the medal since June, 2006 when he allowed Kim to try it on and it apparently slipped down between her enormous breasts and has so far proved irretrievable.

"I think that's where the remote is, too," Jenner was overheard telling family members during an outtake of the show.