ECONOMY

Joe Biden shows how his libido is crazy big.

Stimulus Credited With Increasing Biden's Libido

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Six months after Congress passed the nation's largest economic stimulus plan, the measure is contributing to what some believe is a correlated increase in Vice President Joe Biden's libido. Pundits say this solidifies Biden's place as the most macho vice president since John Garner in 1932.

"It's not like Joe walks around the White House humping everything he can find," said a top White House advisor who asked not to be identified. "Well, not anymore. These days he's settled into more of a quick dry hump and a Hey, how ya doin'?"

With President Obama's approval ratings slipping in recent polls, Democrats say Biden's improved libido is a much-needed lift for a party struggling to gain traction on hot topics like the economy and healthcare reform. Many say the tough issues facing the party today are "nothing a little sexual energy can't resolve."

"I'm more of a 'young female intern' kind of guy," said Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-NM), "but there's no mistaking that tingling sensation when the vice president walks into the room. Everybody feels him.

"I mean it. Everybody feels it," Bingaman added.

While some congressional Republicans question the full effect of Biden's libido, economists generally agree that his package has played a significant part in starting to stabilize the economy. However, they are less certain about the size of the impact, given Biden's penchant for exaggeration.

"In terms of growth, the vice president's libido has been a pleasant surprise of late," said Goldman Sachs economist Narinder Toth. "But when you look further into the performance of his libido, one has to remain cautious. We can't be blinded by a spike in efficacy else the economy could go flaccid."

The Obama administration was criticized earlier this year for the slow pace of Biden's libido. For his part, Biden defended the slow start, acknowledging that he forewent any initial large impact in favor of more longer term growth. However, he said focusing on his libido takes the attention away from the issues that matter most.

"Listen, you want to talk about my libido, you talk about my libido," Biden told CAP News as he watched an episode of Cory In The House. "But my libido wants to talk about the economy. My libido wants some healthcare reform.

"My libido speaks for Americans whose libido can't speak for itself," Biden added during a commercial.

Wall Street's index of leading libido indicators rose 0.7 percent last month on consumer expectations, which is the highest single month growth rate since President Clinton confirmed that he did indeed have sexual relations with that woman.