SURVEYS & POLLS

Obama Leading McCain In Football, Billiards Polls

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With a little over a month to go before the general election, most national polls now give Democrat Barak Obama a slight edge over Republican counterpart John McCain. More troubling for McCain, however, are a series of popularity and likeability (PAL) polls, which show Barak Obama gaining ground on the all-important have-a-beer-with front.

"You had Obama barely edging McCain in the Who Would You Rather Watch a Football Game With poll, the Who Would You Rather Shoot Pool With poll, and the increasingly important Who Would You Rather Watch Dancing With The Stars With poll," said independent political analyst Hugh Smithers.

"There are a number of polls coming up that McCain has got to do well in, or he's going to be in a tough spot going into the last month of the campaign," noted Smithers. "If he fairs poorly in polls such as the Who Would You Rather Be Stuck Sitting Next To On A Long Flight or Who Would You Rather Discuss Intimate Health Issue With, he's in a real electoral hole.

"If voters can't tolerate the man during a trip to Australia or feel uncomfortable getting his opinion on a yeast infection, they aren't going to vote for him," Smithers pointed out.

McCain's PAL poll problems began in earnest about two months ago, when revelations about his multiple houses caused him to perform very poorly in the Who Would You Rather Help To Move poll. Since then, poll after poll have painted him as less the affable grandfather figure whose knee you'd like to bounce on and more the community curmudgeon who chases children from his front lawns.

Still, the news is not all bad for McCain.

"Well, he did pretty well in the Who Would You Rather Be In A Revival Of The Pirates Of Penzance With poll. I think people may just see him as more of a song and dance man than Obama," Smithers said. "He also did okay in the Who Would You Rather Cruise For Chicks With poll. Most men in that poll assumed they'd get more tail simply because McCain would be less competition than Obama.

"His selection of Sarah Palin did cost him some serious percentage points, though," added Smithers. "No one, it seems, wants to cruise for freaky chicks."

For its part, the McCain campaign is putting a brave face on their PAL poll problems.

"We watch the polls very closely, but they are after all only polls," said one McCain staffer. "If we happen to do well in one like next week's FOX News' Who Would You Trust Your Watermelon With poll, hey, great. While such information is vitally important to know, we're just going to keep getting our message out there and letting real American voters decide."