TELEVISION

CBS Unveils "Escape From Wasilla" With Levi Johnston

DUTCH HARBOR, Alaska (CAP) - A ravel of giddy CBS television network executives announced today it will air an exclusive five-part series during the upcoming March sweeps period entitled Escape From Wasilla: How Levi Johnston Finally Broke Free From His Knocked-Up Girlfriend And Her Crazy-Ass Governor Mom.

According to CBS, the series will chronicle "the harrowing ordeal of a small town boy whisked into the national spotlight after one careless night of Jager Bombs, Jello Shots and an impressionable girl who was never taught in school about the virtues of condoms."

The first episode, entitled "I know you're late, I am always waiting around all friggin' day for you to bring me my can of dip" recalls Levi coming to grips with the pregnancy of teen girlfriend Bristol Palin.

The second episode, entitled "Vice President? Your mom? Have you been bustin' into my mother's stash of pills again?" recalls how Levi and Bristol were thrown into the national spotlight as the perfect hillbilly romance upon Sarah Palin's selection as John McCain's running mate while Levi descended into his own private hell.

The series takes a dramatic turn in Episode 3: "Your mom and the old dude really lost to the black guy?" when Levi realizes that his hopes of moving to Washington and having sex with lots of way hotter girls while his wife was stuck home with the kid were dashed, and he was, instead, about to receive a lifetime prison sentence of home confinement with Alaska's First Family.

In Episode 4: "You I can deal with, but I want to hit your mom over the head with a hockey stick" Johnston tries to escape several times, only to be hunted down by Sarah Palin and her shotgun, First Dude Todd Palin's snowmobile posse and the Alaska State Troopers who "listen to mommy if they know what's good for them."

In the gripping final episode, Levi finally breaks it off with a "devastated" Bristol as she cries with their son, Tripp, and he becomes a greenhorn on a crab boat during the upcoming premiere season of Celebrity Deadliest Catch.

McCain was said to be particularly upset with the news of the Johnston/Palin breakup, noting, "At least he should have had the decency to be captured and tortured by an enemy army before running out on his girl and young child."

CBS will promote the series with a sitdown interview with Katie Couric, similar to Sarah Palin's interview with the perky wolf-in-sheep's-clothing prior to the election. In an excerpt released by CBS news, Levi Johnston did not fare much better than his would-be mother-in-law. When asked to describe the Bush Doctrine, he said it was a game he and his hockey buddies used to play before he went and got the governor's daughter pregnant and "ruined all the fun of it."

Escape From Wasilla will run each night of sweeps week at 9 pm following Survivor: Cannibal Island.