BUSINESS

Al-Qaeda Announces Move To CD/DVD

SAN DIEGO, Calif. (CAP) - Following continued complaints of poor audio quality and amateurish video, al Qaeda has announced a deal with Sony Corp. to begin distributing its terrorist messages in the CD/DVD format.

"We're proud to announce this strategic initiative with one of the world's leading terrorist organizations," Sony CEO Sir Howard Stringer said in a prepared statement. "We understand the extreme importance of communication in their industry and the explosive risks of failure and are prepared to meet those head on."

The deal has been two years in the making, with Sony having to stop and re-start negotiations multiple times due to various al Qaeda leaders being captured or killed during talks. Osama bin Laden participated in the meetings via remote conference bridge.

"This move actually completes the tech refresh orchestrated by al Qaeda's IT department," said Emu Mushi al-Kuholik just before being captured by US troops. "We have wireless in 95% of our caves, we have Blackberrys for 75% of the Taliban army, and now we have digital media.

"We have completed our mission of bringing terrorism into the 21st century," he added.

Sony and al Qaeda reportedly will also announce later this week a joint partnership with Trump Enterprises. Sources say the deal involves a new reality-game show where contestants will work to create an audio and video communique for a future al Qaeda campaign.