CAP News

Grimace Declares Free Agency, Signs With BK

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 04:30:00 EST

Business analysts agree that signing Grimace is just the boost any restaurant needs to battle McDonald's, which has long held the #1 fast food spot.

Zune Crash Revealed To Be Wacky Apple Prank

Mon, 5 Jan 2009 03:00:00 EST

Zune owners are crying foul over the crash, particularly given that it kept them from listening to their ABBA and Carpenters songs on New Year's Eve.

President Bush Launches Own Fragrance Line

Fri, 2 Jan 2009 03:00:00 EST

"Long after I leave Washington, you'll still be smelling me, that's for sure," Bush said at the dinner thrown to launch his signature scent, W.

Move Over, iPhone: Orders Roll For New iVacuum

Thu, 1 Jan 2009 06:00:00 EST

Marketed under the model name IoVac XLP, the iVacuum features exclusive Clean'n'Chat technology, and a three-stage filtration system.

Giants Fit Randy Johnson For LifeGuard Alert

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 03:00:00 EST

Johnson's contract also calls for a Lark scooter to help him get up and down the dugout steps, and negotiable time off for urinary tract infections.

Survey: Most To Start New Year Off By Vomiting

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:40:00 EST

The survey of 5,000 Americans showed that 84 percent plan to drink beer and/or liquor until they're ready to "call Ralph on the big white telephone."

Bush Admits He Was "A Million Times Worser" Than Daddy

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 03:00:00 EST

In his new autobiography, the younger Bush says his lasting legacy will be that of having consumed more beer than any president before him.

[audio] Ad: DMV Playstation

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 07:00:00 EST

Are your kids bored with their Christmas presents already? Well, Mattel has the game that will keep them busy for hours.

Desperate Family On Fifth Day Without Cable

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 03:00:00 EST

Officials call it a desperate situation in the wake of last week's Northeast ice storms, reminiscent of the suffering after Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

Bush Okays $4B To Bail Out Matchbox, Hot Wheels

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 03:00:00 EST

Executives for Mattel noted that it would allow the company to recoup the cost of this year's holiday party without having to lay off any employees.

Google Purchases The Earth For Record $590.6 Billion

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:00:00 EST

The acquisition marks the single largest purchase of a planet with inhabitants since 1922, and should be finalized within two months.

[audio] Ad: Robodad

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:30:00 EST

If you're a single mother who could really use a male influence for your children, try this new kind of mother's little helper.