After struggling for years to gain the recognition everyone agrees it deserves, Scabies scooted past Chlamydia to grab the coveted top spot in this year's poll.

In what some are calling an ill-advised collaboration, the strip will come to an end with the popular neurotic singleton being eaten alive by prehistoric piranhas.

Supporters say the church's location will allow them to provide New York that extra layer of protection from the Muslims setting up shop down the street.

If the court rules as expected, straight couples will need to turn in their marriage licenses to the nearest Starbucks coffee shop no later than December 31.